What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding by Kristin Newman

Author:Kristin Newman [Newman, Kristin]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-8041-3761-4
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2014-05-19T16:00:00+00:00

A couple of weeks after we got home, I got an e-mail from my island boyfriend, Cristiano:

RE: TUDO BEM?

TUDO bom!!!!! I find money for fly to Los Angeles!!!!! I stay with you????? You can pay for three weeks food and party?????

The man from the carless island without a dollar to his name had found the money to fly to Los Angeles. But the nice thing about not being twenty-one is that you know what happens if you ship them home. Inviting a penniless Brazilian into your house for food and parties is like inviting in a vampire, but with more drum circles. Once they’re in, you’re powerless and they’re not going anywhere. And, as was the case with my other Brazilian, they may very well draw blood.

I told Cristiano I would love to see him if he made it to Los Angeles, but that I couldn’t help him with the food and parties. And I never heard from him again.

So, here is why I really want to tell this story, despite some shame: Brazil was fantastic. Was it sordid and revolting? Yes. Am I horrified that my father is reading about it? Tremendously. Would I recommend the exact same experience to even my very own daughter someday? If she spends as much of her life worrying and overanalyzing as her mother does, absolutely. Everybody needs a little bit of that’s crazy, a little bit of way too much. Balance, Dad, like you said.

So, the deep and profound moral of this trip? If at all possible, at least once (or twice) in your life, get as naked as possible with a Brazilian.

Oh, Brazil.

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